Taking Psychology with You

How Much Control Do We Have over Our Emotions and Our Health?

The prosecution called Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's crimes particularly “heinous, cruel, and depraved,” but the defense argued that Dzhokhar was influenced by his extremist brother Tamerlan. Given these vastly different characterizations, could they have controlled themselves and controlled their feelings?

When we are feeling extreme emotions or when major stressors require the body to cope with threat, fear, or danger, the body whirls into action to give us the energy to respond. Just about everyone has had the unpleasant experience of a racing heart, sweaty palms, and other emotional symptoms upon seeing a former lover with a new partner. But does that mean we have no control over our emotions? That if we yell, scream, or become violent when we're angry, it's not our fault?

How about our health? People do have some control over the psychological and social factors involved in the onset and course of many illnesses, such as negative emotions, pessimism, and lack of supportive friends. And we can choose to do the three things that are the strongest behavioral predictors of longevity and health, which are not psychological at all: not smoking (or quitting), eating a healthful diet, and exercising regularly. But does that mean that if we become sick, it's our own fault?

Life is full of stressful experiences, emotional problems, and disastrous bolts out of the blue that we cannot predict or avoid. At such times, critical thinking becomes especially important because the temptation is great to slide into oversimplified, either–or thinking: For example, if you are angry about some injustice, either you try to squelch your feelings or you take them out on the nearest innocent target. If you become ill, either you accept traditional medical procedures or you use alternative psychological ones, such as visual imagery, meditation, and support groups. It seems easier to jump to one explanation or solution and stick with it, without examining the evidence (pro and con) for its effectiveness. In stressful times, everyone is inclined to let emotional reasoning cloud their good judgment.

Usually, though, solutions and ways of coping do not require either–or answers. People can accept traditional medical treatments while also appreciating the power of optimism, meditation, and social support in their recovery and well-being. In the case of managing anger, the Tsarnaev brothers could surely have found a course of action between suppressing their feelings completely and committing murder.

Hostile anger, as we have seen in this chapter, is particularly hazardous to health, but what should people do when they are enraged? When we examine the evidence, we find that the pop-psych advice to “ventilate your anger and get it out of your system” often backfires: Many people feel worse both physically and mentally after an angry confrontation. When people brood and ruminate about their anger, talk to others incessantly about how angry they are, or ventilate their feelings in hostile acts, their blood pressure shoots up, they often feel angrier, and they behave even more aggressively later than if they had just let their feelings of anger subside (Bushman et al., 2005; Tavris, 1989). Conversely, when people learn to control their tempers and express anger constructively, they usually feel better, not worse; calmer, not angrier.

When people are feeling angry, they may not be able to control that racing heart or the emotion itself, but they can control what they do next: They can take five, calm down, and cool off rather than act impetuously and make matters worse. They can use their critical-thinking skills to avoid emotional reasoning and check their perceptions of the situation for accuracy. People who are quick to feel anger tend to interpret other people's actions as intentional offenses. People who are slow to anger tend to give others the benefit of the doubt, and they are not as focused on their own injured pride.

Critical thinkers might also learn to think carefully about how to express anger, and make a calm decision on how to proceed, so that they will get the results they want. Many people say harsh and hurtful things in anger simply to make the other person feel bad. But shouting “You moron! How could you be so stupid!” is not likely to get the person to apologize, let alone to change his or her behavior. If the goal is to improve a bad situation or achieve justice, learning how to express anger so the other person will listen is essential.

In short, we may not be able to control the stressors in our lives or the intensity of some emotions we feel after great loss, injustice, or tragedy, but we human beings have something almost better: the ability to think about our actions and to control what we do next.